How to Navigate the Holidays and Season Change
By Clay Hightower, LICSW
Around this time every year, I start having a familiar experience. I begin to have lower energy than normal. Social events and hobbies that I typically enjoy do not feel as engaging. I start to feel less satisfied by my relationships and career. If I am not paying close attention to it, the pressure can really begin to build below the surface. I begin to wonder where this shift came from and what, if anything, there is that I can do about it. Sometimes, I will start wondering if it is the result of my current life trajectory and how I think I am doing on that path. Depending on how things are actually going at the time, that can lead me down a rabbit hole of considering life changes, hoping that they might be the “right” move to make. Quickly, I can end up distracted and overwhelmed by this problem. Then springtime comes around, and this state typically starts to pass for me. Sometimes it is a concerted effort of restarting the things that fell off over the winter, and sometimes it happens naturally. Fortunately, I usually have not had enough time by this point to make any real big changes before I have the same realization. I face this every year, regardless of how well or poorly things are going. I just experience Seasonal Affective Disorder.
When I was first presented with this idea by my therapist a few years ago, I was skeptical. Even after encountering it almost every fall and winter for consecutive years now, I am still slow at times to make the connection. One of the hurdles that I face as an individual, both professionally and personally, is trying to take information at face value. As I mentioned above, I can feel small changes in my overall mood or well-being and let that feeling take hold of me. Getting wrapped up in the question of “Why?” can allow it to become more than it really is, not to mention that I rarely know the true answer to that question in the moment.
Some of the issues that I mentioned above are issues I occasionally experience, even if less frequently or intensely, regardless of the time of year. Those thoughts or feelings by themselves do not indicate that anything is “wrong,” just that I go through lulls like any other human. Without the other accompanying issues, I am able to work through these periods with relative ease. The question of “Why?” and the anxious feeling that I get trying to figure out sometimes urge me to make the bigger changes in my life. However, when I change the question to “What?” is happening to or with me, things can become clearer. When I focus on what changes behaviorally around this time each year, it seems obvious to me that changes in my social life, exercise routine, and time outside would have an overall negative effect on my mood. This is usually when I have the realization, and it happens a bit earlier each year now.
I have seen myself and others struggle in this way, and it can affect the process of getting better in some common ways. The most common way, which I catch myself engaging in more than any other, is by intellectualizing. When I am intellectualizing a problem, instead of experiencing it, I am trying to create space between myself and the uncomfortable emotions that I am having. I can tell myself that once I “solve” what is going on, then I will take the “correct” action and “fix” it. This is where the life plan changes that I mentioned above can come in. Intellectualizing can diminish my willingness to explore the more grounded solutions, and it sometimes means a total lack of behavioral change until it is “solved.”
I know that when each fall comes around, my initial reaction to my therapist’s suggestion that it might be Seasonal Affective Disorder coming back around is a swift rebuttal. They will still ask about changes in time spent outside, exercising, or engaging in hobbies, but I am still more focused on my new “plans.” This is especially true during the times when I am actually experiencing some of the other issues as well, within my relationships, hobbies, or career. I sometimes struggle to accept that the solution to my problem is simply about taking care of basic needs and allowing myself to go through this period for a while. However, change in activity level and relationship with food are both symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder that I have addressed with routine changes, and I have seen some difference over time. I do cognitively understand that it works.
There is something both freeing and overwhelming about believing that the problem is the result of some larger dynamic in my life that I cannot influence as easily as the behavioral changes that do actually help. It sometimes absolves me of responsibility of taking action to improve my situation, and it sometimes makes me believe I do not have the ability at all. It also offers me the belief that there is a direct “fix” to the way that I am feeling. I can begin to believe that everything will be solved if I can address this singular issue. However, when I stay with the reality that the solution to my problem may be consistent behavioral change and a willingness to feel uncomfortable for a while, I also have to accept that I will not see or feel the relief that I am looking for in the time period that I would like.
I will acknowledge that it is possible for both to be true at the same time. I can be experiencing both an uncomfortable phase of life and an acute issue that is more connected to larger issues. I lost my grandmother just a little over two years ago, and it perfectly coincided with this time of year for me. Not only was I already beginning to experience my typical symptoms as the season and her health changed, but quickly I had to face a great deal of grief and a changing family system. In many ways, the symptoms of the seasonal issues I face matched the experience of grief. Of course, this made the feelings and experience more intense, but it some ways it required me to set aside the questions of “Why?” and “Which one?” As it turns out, the ways to work through Seasonal Affective Disorder were effective in helping me take care of myself through the grieving process, which allowed me to be better prepared for staying in the discomfort and grief.
After a few years of running into this wall each time, I have gotten new bits of information that I try to apply when the next time comes around. Of course, these changes do not always work exactly how I want them to, nor do they stop me from going through these phases, of course. However, they do provide me with some tools to use during this time period, and my engagement with these tools has become a great measurement for how I am doing at the time. I try to stay focused on these aspects to avoid getting sucked into the solving and fixing pattern.
The first change that I made was joining a recreational sports league that plays during the winter. It is both a hobby and community that I am connected with, and it has created a part of my weekly routine that provides me with time in the sun, socializing, and exercise. As I mentioned above, all of these things are limited during this period, so following through on it is very important to my self-care. Secondly, I have made a concerted effort to be more intentional in planning in my relationships. It is so easy, for myself and others, to get caught up in the hustle of making sure the holidays “go well.” The closer the actual day comes, the easier it is to talk myself out of reaching out or making plans in favor of taking care of my to do list. Now these plans serve as much needed and exciting breaks from the to do list, not another thing to add to them. Lastly, and certainly most importantly, I have to practice being kind and allowing myself to have bad days. Part of practicing all of this is acknowledging that I will not always feel or do my best on any given day, but the way that I respond to that and treat myself has a great impact on how I do on the following day and days after.
I share all of this because it is my sincere hope that throughout this holiday season, you will take good care of yourself and treat yourself with kindness, no matter how it goes or how you are doing. I know that I am better able to be present and enjoy these celebrations when I do both of those things. Happy holidays from The Moore Institute!
